How About That

Dear Sir, My apologies that this awful news arrives so close to the holidays but I had some difficulty tracking you down. Your friend, Mme. Valentina Velasquez, has died. Her death was sudden, unexpected but painless, if that eases your mind in any way, and I do hope it does. I know you two had become quite close over the …

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Brunch Boys’ Founder Jeremy Jacobowitz Talks Food, First Dates and Food

When you get right down to it, there are really only two kinds of people in this world: those who brunch and those who do not. I don’t mean to generalize here but generally, Non-Brunchers are pretty easy to spot in a crowd. They’re the ones who take 17 different spin classes before noon on a Saturday, wear ripped, graphic tees …

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Five Underrated Holiday Movies to Watch This Sunday

Classic Christmas flicks are like the gingerbread cookies of Yuletide cinema: comforting, dependable and sure to please. But you know what else is comforting, dependable and sure to please? An open-bar holiday party at your office. And nobody thinks that’s a good idea three hours deep into the festivities when Arnold from IT is passed out across the copy machine, regurgitated tequila decorating his mouth and …

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How to Make a Delicious Breakfast from Thanksgiving Leftovers

If your morning has gone anything like mine, then you’ve spent it scraping dried-up cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes off piles of unwashed plates and wine-stained glasses. Why is it that the scrumptiousness of a Thanksgiving meal is directly proportional to the disgustingness of cleaning it up? Anyway, I’m working my sink hose like a water-spraying serpent in a stainless …

Annalee

Annalee was her name. I say was because she’s no longer with us but you should know she was my Aunt Annalee and she was forever saying strange things to me like, “You’ll never understand what’s sitting inside or outside the ocean, so the best you can do is try.” “Yes, Aunt Annalee,” I’d reply, unsure if there was any …

So Wild And Free

There are, inside a deconstructed world, threads of life that must be sewn together in order to make sense. Even then, when the quilt of what is has been stitched, sense may elude the eyes, the ears, the nose, the mind, and only what might be shall remain … “This tea tastes like boiled rat droppings and pimple puss,” said …

A Terrible Day And A Tree

From: Henry Littlesworth To: Marcus Trevan Subject: Your Job It’s over. Fax Me Up LLC is closing shop, effective immediately. Funny I should write this to you over email, the very thing that killed my fax business. Well, Rainforest Online Services killed us, too. Damn devil of a company. People should know better than to order fax machines from a …

Letter to the Editor

HEREAFTER the subject of women’s underwear will not be treated in the letter-press of THE LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL. The editors have reached this conclusion for the following reasons: First, the changes in this part of a woman’s wardrobe are not either sufficient or material enough to justify extended chronicle. Second, the practical art of making undergarments is understood, in whole …

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Christmas Eve In Newport Beach

I know tonight is all about eggnog and family and playing ’90s board games and walking in snow reflected by the dancing colors of twinkly lights, so instead of a long story to read I leave you with this one photo I took at The Wedge earlier today. It reminds me of a quote someone once told me a few …

Pizza Cat

The rumors are true. The Pizza Cat is real. How do I know, you might ask, skeptical gleam in your eye, that such a creature exists? Have I seen this mystical, mozzarellical thing and lived to tell the tale? Did I run into one, many moons ago, stumbling out from a bar in those precarious, late hours when darkness bleaches …